A revenit Urzirea tronurilor

Sau care-o fi netrebuincioasa traducere ín română a vacii de muls HBO.

Serialul a fost deja exhaustiv discutat de toată televiziunea, presa, blogosfera, stratosfera, andromedosfera cunoscute de om și toți zeii (cei vechi și cei noi). Orice discuție despre scenariu, găuri într-însul, tendința “zero narațiune, infinit vizual” a HBO, comercializarea și hipsterizarea găurii din sfincter – toate mă lasă Jon Snow.

O singură bagatelă am de comentat și o voi face pe limba creatorilor. La două adici, GoT se adresează celor care dibuiesc limba lui R.R. Martin măcar la nivelul la care eu o pot scrie.
Without further introductions:

Why the people from Got are dumber than the people from Planet Earth

We are all led to believe that the civilizations from Got are thousands of years old. Since the birth of the first ironcunt, they have been feasting in the same slime. Brilliant people indeed, all properly schooled at the millennial Citadels.

Mastered the art of war, the art of love and sorcery. Masters of iron, valyrian steel, dragon glass and wildfire. These beings had more than necessary materials, fuel and knowledge to take the next step.
And yet, the brilliant humanoid creatures imagined by R.R. Martin never made the step towards the Industrial Era. Really??

So these human-like creatures staled for millennia in the medieval dark ages and non of them freaking geniuses wondered what’s up with the lightning in the sky!

We have badass materials, we have fuel (wildfire), how about automating labor a little? Steam power, where to?! Why burn the f-ing candles and chopping all the trees? But nooo, the GoT people are wiser, they can foresee the future, model the past and remain the same imbeciles in the present.

Come on, you have dragons! You had dragons for thousands of years. How “head up your ass” must you be to ignore the aerodynamics and NEVER try to build one? Or at least put a trailer house on one of them and open the first Dragon Air Express.

The Winds of Winter? More like the winds of HBO’s writers freezing brains. I’ll keep R.R. out of the roast; he’s just old, senile and ignored for most of his life. Good riddance that the HBO Jewish people turned him into a hipsterish money bag before the coins turned to dirt.

Și cu asta basta, fără niciun strop de “hate”. Doar părerea pură despre ceva ce a fost scris bine (inițial, pe alocuri) și s-a transformat într-un monstru cinematografic. Cu fondurile băgate în “visual-ul” GoT poți transforma și Capra cu Trei Iezi într-un blockbuster.

Rămân la părerea exprimată în urmă cu 2 ani: R.R. Martin trebuia măcar nominalizat pentru Nobel. Nu neapărat pentru valoarea scriiturii sau pentru contribuția în domeniu cât pentru energia dezvoltată în jurul unui meșteșug obsolet: cititul.

PS: The White Walkers look rather silly when you’re riding a valyrian steel tank.

Zburător, versificator şi prozator amator
Cărţi publicate: Povestiri de la Olanu şi Introspecţiile unui cocoş


  1. You make a very good point! The world GRRM has built has grown of its own accord, he did not have the world designed before he wrote the story, he just let it grow. He always said that there are two types of writers: the architect and the gardner. The architect knows everything about his book before he even begins to write it, whereas the gardner plants a seed and then lets it grow. Of course he knows the ending but much and more can happen between A and B. So I don’t think he has thought about the aspect of humans having ‘evolved’ that much over the course of his history. But I will give some explenations on behalf of GRRM:
    1. Before humans there have been The Children of the Forrest and Giants who have been looking over nature, so humans haven’t existed for that long but we do know that they have existed for at least 8000 years. So why in 8000 years no smartphones?
    2. There have been at least 2 cataclysms that have set back any technological progress that humans might have had. First one is The Long Night that lasted a generation and nearly killed everyone (sort of like a black plague that destroyed everything). Secondly humans had evolved beyond what they are now but another cataclysm happened nearly 400 years in the past which wiped out the most advanced civilization at that time. This cataclysm is called the Doom ov Valyria in which a lot of technology has been lost (kind of like the burning of the library of Alexandria).
    3. 8000 years is a lot of time for technological progress to happen right? Consider though that this is not on Earth and a year in Westeros and Essos might be different than a year on Earth. 8000 years there might be actually only 2000 years in the terms we speak of. We don’t know the diameter of their planet, how long a day is. We do have a clue that it is not as Earth’s time because in Westeros a season can last between 4 to 10 years. It’s not even constant. Add this to the fact that even in human years humans have lived for 7 million years but only reached your so called technological success in the last 200-300 years. That is, humans on Earth have been ‘rubbing the mint’ for 99,995% of their existance, there is no way to know when in the existance of GRRM’s civilization the present takes place.
    4. Maybe there have been planes and phones and even more technological advancement than even we have today but then an Ice Age came, and all the humans have turned into WhiteWalkers.
    5. Maybe it’s just a fantasy and it doesn’t need to make sense.


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